I Married the Dragon I Killed [Novel] Chapter 262

Chapter 262: Red Autumn

Ferda returned to his training room.

The dark room was lit only by candles.

In their flickering light, Ferda looked up at Baldrova’s portrait.

She wore a shy smile.

Her eyes, however, had been torn away.

Pain rose within him.

The portrait seemed to contain her entire life, a life spent wanting happiness only for that happiness to slip from her grasp again and again.

Ferda stared at it, trying not to forget why he had begun all of this.

‘But…’

Erika had said that his previous life might have been the source of Baldrova’s suffering.

‘Godwin.’

The Black Dragon once called the Aspect of Darkness.

A criminal who had suddenly created the grotesque beings known as demons and monsters within this world and plunged everything into chaos.

The decisive reason Baldrova had become miserable.

Ferda opened his mouth, but no words came out.

The blade of regret pierced his heart, carving into it as though demanding payment for his sins.

The Shadow Circle born from regret churned violently.

The emotion pressed down on him so heavily that he felt he might simply die beneath it.

That was fine.

At that moment, Ferda almost thought dying would be preferable.

-Do not do that.

A voice sounded from within him.

At first it had been indistinct, but now he could hear it clearly.

The Shadow Circle became astonishingly calm.

It was not Ferda’s doing.

A moment later, the black shadow moved independently of his will.

It shaped itself like a separate being and rose behind him.

Then it embraced Ferda gently.

Like a mother cradling a child she had known for a very long time.

Yet the embrace was unbearably cold.

Ferda had once believed there was no reason to compromise with this being and therefore no reason even to speak with it.

This time, he addressed it.

“Are you… truly Sierra, Goddess of the Moon?”

-That is one of my names, but it is not the name familiar to you. You used to call me something else.

Anna Rosnova.

Ferda asked her,

“How long have you been here?”

-Do you remember what I told you when Anna Rosnova died?

He did.

How could he forget?

The memory of that day was the final warmth Ferda had left.

A lone flame that had survived a life of endless monsoon rain.

“Even if my body turns to ash and scatters, I will always remain beside you. So do not grieve.”

-Yes. That is what I said.

“You never lied. You were simply somewhere I could not see.”

-That is right.

“Then the misfortune that came after your death was no coincidence either.”

-Correct.

“And the fact that I came to hate everything and seek revenge?”

-Yes. That was my doing.

“……”

Ferda clenched his fist.

His throat tightened with pain, but he forced himself to ask the final question.

“Was it also your scheme that made me kill Baldrova?”

-That was my ultimate objective.

“Your ultimate… objective?”

-Everything that drove you to the edge was merely groundwork for that end.

“Do you… hate Baldrova that much?”

-She rendered your resolve meaningless. That alone is enough for me, as a god, to be enraged.

Ferda ground his teeth.

The hatred and rage that had vanished when he returned to the past.

That enormous hollow inside him threatened to fill with those same emotions once again.

Even now, it felt as though that power might transform into a new source of strength for him.

He could not believe that the only sanctuary he had ever possessed had actually been the source of everything that ruined his life.

-But do not misunderstand. I did not seek that child’s death because of some personal grudge.

“You are saying resentment had nothing to do with it?”

-I cannot claim the emotion was entirely absent. But in the end, revenge was trivial. Something that would be pleasant if achieved, but irrelevant if not.

That made Ferda angry.

Calling it trivial made him feel like nothing more than a doll used for her amusement.

“What is this grand objective of yours, Mother?”

-I told you. It is for you to live.

Ferda could feel it clearly.

Those words were an absolute truth spoken from the heart of a mother.

“Are my survival and Baldrova’s death connected?”

-Of course.

Then Ferda said,

“In that case, everything would be resolved if I died instead.”

-I already told you I will not allow that. You sacrificed yourself for her once before.

Sierra’s gentle voice pressed down on him.

-And you failed. You know what happened because of that, do you not?

“Nothing happened.”

-That is precisely the problem. Nothing happened. Even after you became hated by everyone, nothing happened.

“Then do you intend to manipulate me again? With the same hatred and anger as before?”

-I will not.

“How can you promise that so easily?”

-Because you are a failure.

Sierra said it plainly.

Ferda pressed his lips together.

-Did that hurt you?

“Am I supposed to be happy about it?”

-That is not what I meant. I wanted to kill Baldrova, that foolish girl, and properly build the world you had desired. That was why I embraced you. But things did not proceed according to my intentions.

“……”

-Since I settled into this world after its creation, I have conceived more children than I can count. Every one of them had a purpose. I bore them solely for that purpose, and if they failed to fulfill it, I disposed of them without hesitation.

“……”

-But you were different. Of all the failures I gave birth to, you were the one failure I did not wish to kill. I became curious where the path you chose might lead. Perhaps it happened because, for the first and last time, I played the role of a mother.

“All I hear is that my fate remains a toy for your amusement.”

-I am giving you an opportunity. A chance to carve out a new path and a new fate.

A new path.

What was he supposed to do to create one?

Lead more people and expand his territory?

Or seek even greater personal strength?

Ferda only grew more confused.

If Sierra had done nothing but curse and spit at Baldrova’s name, he could simply have treated her as an enemy.

But he could not understand what she truly wanted.

-I wish for you, who continues choosing that woman, to become unhappy.

“……”

-I want you to realize that woman is the source of your suffering and cast her away. That is all I have ever seen from her.

“……”

-And I want you to live afterward. Whenever you throw yourself into death, I will help save you. And…

A cold hand slid down his chest.

Her fingers skillfully seized Ferda’s mana circuit.

-You will pay the price.

The pressure gripping his Shadow Circle vanished.

At the same time, the embrace surrounding him disappeared, along with the sensation that had restricted his five senses.

Once again, only Baldrova’s portrait remained before him.

‘A fate where one of us has to die.’

If those were truly the only choices, Ferda would naturally sacrifice himself.

But Sierra had sealed that path.

Her will was to make him live as a monster rather than die as a human.

That left only one conclusion.

Baldrova had to die.

A tragedy without a choice.

Yet Sierra had also said something else.

Ferda was a failure who refused to submit to fate.

And Sierra claimed she disposed of failures without mercy.

‘But she did not dispose of me.’

She said she wanted to keep watching a little longer.

Why?

Simply because she enjoyed seeing Ferda suffer before finally meeting tragedy?

That certainly sounded fitting for the cruel and sadistic Goddess of the Moon.

But judging from everything she had said so far, she did not seem like the type to waste time on pointless entertainment.

If keeping Ferda alive had some meaning, then perhaps…

‘There may be a third choice.’

A choice where neither of them had to die.

A path where both of them could be happy.

Perhaps such a possibility existed somewhere.

Interpretation mattered more than the dream itself.

Ferda decided to believe that.

Even if Sierra had meant nothing of the sort, the despair suffocating him began to settle.

‘I am not Godwin.’

Godwin had rebelled in an attempt to reduce everything to nothingness.

It had not been ambition to devour the continent.

It had been born from his feelings for Baldrova.

That was the only trace of Godwin that remained within Ferda.

‘So I will not fail the way Godwin did.’

Whatever future waited before him.

He would never allow it to hurt her.

No matter what trial appeared, he would find a way through it.

With his resolve restored, Ferda stood and left the room.

There was one thing even he had failed to predict.

He never imagined he would encounter another trial the instant he stepped outside.

The name of that trial was Luri Silverwind.

A petite girl in the shape of a young woman, dressed in a maid uniform.

Her expression was no less terrifying than a dragon’s.

She looked ready to kill Ferda on the spot.

“Did you enjoy your vacation?”

“……”

“Why are you making that face?”

“Do you know what state the castle is in and still have the nerve to ask me that?”

The state of the castle?

“It seems to be running perfectly well. What is the problem?”

“Perfectly well?”

Apparently, that was not the answer she wanted.

She crossed her arms, planted her weight on one leg, and said,

“I will give you exactly one chance to admit what you did wrong.”

Ferda thought about how Baldrova Castle had been operating lately.

He pondered for a while before realization finally struck.

“I see.”

Whenever something went wrong, blaming this person usually solved the mystery.

“Penelope. That demon bitch must have done something strange to Her Highness.”

“……”

“I will have her arrested and executed immediately…”

“Wrong.”

A dense killing intent poured from Luri.

It felt as though dragonfire might burst from her small mouth at any moment.

* * *

The forest, once lush with green, had transformed into a tapestry of vivid colors.

In a season when flowers no longer bloomed, the leaves had taken on colors more beautiful than blossoms.

It was a signal that a bountiful autumn had arrived.

That joy carried into the lavish red carriage traveling through the forest.

“Woooow…”

Baldrova sat inside, staring out the window with her mouth slightly open.

Her golden eyes shone with pure wonder.

“Ferda, Ferda! Is that what you call autumn foliage?”

“Yes. Those are autumn leaves.”

“I must have seen scenery like this countless times before… but now that I’m smaller and looking up at it from down here, it seems so beautiful. How did I never notice?”

Ferda wanted to say he felt the same.

He had not properly gone out to admire autumn leaves since his mother died.

Even if he had seen them, he doubted he would have felt anything this sentimental.

“You know now, so all you need to do is enjoy it.”

“You’re right, aren’t you?”

Baldrova smiled brightly.

Then she pointed outside.

“Ferda, look too. All the red and yellow together are so beautiful, aren’t they?”

“If that is what you mean, I am already looking.”

“You’re looking at me.”

“Are you not something beautiful composed of red and yellow?”

“Ah.”

With that little gasp, the amount of red steadily increased.

At this point, it looked less like autumn and more like spring had arrived on her face.

Her wandering hand eventually reached out and gently pushed Ferda’s face toward the opposite window.

“F-Ferda, look at the leaves over there!”

“Pardon?”

“You’re not allowed to turn back this way! It’s forbidden!”

“…Understood.”

Ferda fixed his gaze outside the window.

‘They are not as pretty as I expected.’

An unnecessarily high blue sky.

Unnecessarily colorful leaves.

It simply looked like autumn had arrived.

“Ferda?”

His name was called in a timid voice.

“Yes, Eleanor.”

“You’re not… angry because of what I just did, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“R-Really?”

She sounded relieved.

Perhaps that was why he felt a little mischievous.

“Though it is somewhat lonely now.”

“Uh, um…”

She panicked again.

After breathing nervously and thinking hard, she seemed to find a solution.

“Would you like me to hold your hand?”

He did not need to answer.

Before he could speak, her fingers slipped between his and clasped his hand firmly.

He could feel her pulse flowing through her palm.

The scenery before Ferda remained exactly the same.

‘Now it is worth looking at.’

After traveling for quite some time, they arrived at Count Consillus’s castle.

There, the wedding of Arwen, Count Consillus’s adopted son, and Lyudmila was about to begin.